I'M A FRIEND OF BILL W
I AM MY FATHERS SON
AND I'M ABOUT TO GET OLDER
AND I GOT A FLAT IN HELSINKI PRAISE BE TO MY HOMIE KAARLE (WWW.KAARLEKAARLE.COM)




AM I ON AN EPISODE OF SCARE TACTICS? THATS THE RECURRING QUESTION IN MY LIFE.
MY FLAT IS HAUNTED. ALL 3 BULBS BLEW OUT IN MY HALLWAY LIGHT,
MY BEDROOM LIGHT BURNED OUT ONE DAY LATER, BOTH FIRE ALARMS IN THE FLAT STARTED BEEPING WITHOUT REASON AT VARIOUS TIMES OF THE DAY AND NIGHT (AND AT STRANGE INTERVALS THAT INDICATE ITS NOT JUST A "TIME FOR A NEW BATTERY" BEEP) AND I KEEP HEARING THIS WEIRD DOUBLE KNOCK IN THE LIVING ROOM WALL EVERY FEW DAYS.

ON TOP OF THAT, IN THE PERIOD OF ONE AFTERNOON A PIGEON FLEW INTO MY ENCLOSED BALCONY THROUGH A SMALL HOLE AND CONTINUED TO FRANTICALLY FLY INTO THE WINDOWS UNTIL I PERFORMED A STEALTHY CATCH AND RELEASE BECAUSE I'M HUMANE LIKE THAT. LATER TWO PREGNANT CATS APPEARED ON THE COMMUNAL BALCONY ON THE TOP FLOOR OF MY BUILDING WHERE THEY SPENT THE GOOD PART OF A DAY PUTTING THEIR PAWS ON THE WINDOW LIKE THAT DUDE IN "MIDNIGHT EXPRESS" BEGGING FOR HELP



CATS!

BY THE TIME I DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AT THE END OF THE NIGHT AND BRING THEM INSIDE THEY HAD EITHER JUMPED OFF OR TELEPORTED
HOPE YOU'RE ALRIGHT DUDES
MAYBE YOU WENT TO LONDON TOO? I DONT BLAME YOU

ALL OF THIS SHORTLY AFTER A FRIEND RECENTLY MENTIONED TO ME THAT "SHE HAS NEVER HAD A DREAM THAT SOMEONE DIED BEFORE" AND THAT SHE "HAD A DREAM THAT I DIED".
THANKS CARIN FOR FUCKING UP MY MENTALS AND MAKING ME WORRY ABOUT HOW DEATH IS AROUND EVERY CORNER

TRAPPED PIGEONS, PREGNANT CATS, GHOST HOUSE, DREAMS THAT I'M DEAD. DOES IT ALL MEAN SOMETHING? IS THE SPIRIT WORLD REACHING OUT? PROBABLY NOT



ALMOST TIME TO GO HOME!

WHERE DO I LIVE? NOW THAT THE EUROPEAN DREAMS ALMOST OVER I GOTTA FIND OUT WHATS NEXT.
IM REALLY STARTING TO THINK GRAD SCHOOL? GET A MASTERS DEGREE, BECOME A BETTER PHOTOGRAPHER OR AT LEAST LEARN TO RIP PEOPLE APART MORE ACADEMICALLY OR DEFEND MYSELF AND MAN THE FUCK UP. GET A THICK IVY LEAGUE SKIN. PLUS ID GET THE DEGREE RIGHT IN TIME FOR 2012 SO I CAN TAKE THE BEST, WELLEST TRAINED, MOST INFORMED ART PHOTOS OF THAT GIANT METEOR CRASHING INTO THE EARTH AND SENDING WAVES OF FIRE AND TSUNAMIS AT EVERYTHING, STARTING A NEW ICE AGE AND DISSING EVERYBODYS LIFE PLANS

IM SURE JOEL STERNFELD ALREADY BUILT A TIME MACHINE AND MADE THOSE ALREADY THOUGH
GAGOSIAN 2011
BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME

MAYBE
ILL JUST MOVE BACK TO LA, BUY BETTER CLOTHES AND HANG AROUND THE COBRASNAKE.
IS THE REAL WORLD DOING ANY CASTING CALLS? IS NEW YORK LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THE ART CIRCLE JERK? I THINK IVE STILL GOT A POLAROID CAMERA SOMEWHERE.

IF YOU CANT TELL IVE SEEN IT ALL AND IM EMBITTERED
NAH I STILL LOVE IT ALL
I REALLY DO
NO HATE HERE
JUST LOOKIN FOR WORK AND MAKING FUN OF EVERYTHING IN THE PROCESS



SO AFTER MY POETS TOUR 2009 I WENT AND DID SOME MORE "LIVE PHOTOGRAPHY". IT WAS MORE OF A FAVOR FOR THE BAND (SOME NEW FINNISH HOMIES) AND IT WAS MORE SO I COULD SEE THEM PLAY A SHOW. THEY WERE REALLY FUCKING GOOD. FINNISH BUTTHOLE SURFERS. THATS NOT AN INSULT.
RADIOPUHELEMIT
CHECK THEM OUT
SNAP TIME:













THEY PLAYED WITH SOME SEMI-FAMOUS CANADIAN BAND CALLED "DANKO JONES"
I THINK THEY WANTED TO BE CALLED PRETTYBOY-ACDC BUT THAT NAME WAS ALREADY TAKEN BY A COVER BAND IN SACRAMENTO SO THEY SETTLED ON DANKO JONES (WHICH IM PRETTY SURE IS THE ACTUAL NAME OF A PERSIAN RUG STORE IN ALHAMBRA).




WELL FREE AT LAST.
OUT OF OULU.
NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN.
UNTIL 2011 WHEN I COME BACK AND HAVE MY VERY FIRST LEGITIMATE SOLO EXHIBITION
HOW NUTS.
IT TOOK LEAVING THE USA TO GET THE RECOGNITION AND CRITICAL ACCLAIM THAT MY WORK HAS WARRANTED FOR ALL THESE YEARS
I'M HUGE IN SCANDINAVIA

SERIOUSLY THOUGH

AFTER EMBARASSING MYSELF ENOUGH TIMES AND BEING THE ONLY DARKIE IN TOWN, I THINK EVERYBODY GOT TO KNOW ME HERE OR AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ME AND NOW ITS ON TO BIGGER AND HOPEFULLY BETTER THINGS RIGHT AS THEY WERE PICKING THE PERFECT TREE AND GATHERIN THE LYNCH ROPE.

GOT A COUPLE OF HOMIES TO HANGOUT WITH IN HELSINKI WHICH MEANS A LOT LESS BORING TIME IN BEDROOM AND A LOT MORE ARTTALK OR AT LEAST MUSIC TALK
OR AT LEAST THE "ME GOING OUTSIDE" TO "SALTY LOOKS" RATIO WILL GO DOWN EXPONENTIALLY
IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL MAYBE ILL STAY IN HELSINKI AND RETURN TO AMERICA IN 2030 TO VIEW THE REMAINS OF A COLLAPSED CIVILIZATION. ILL BE THE GUY GIVING YOU EUROPEAN CHOCOLATES AND BAGS OF BREAD IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR QUAINT LITTLE LINE DRAWINGS AND OTHER EXOTIC "AMERICAN" ART TO BRING BACK TO MY EURO FRIENDS SO WE CAN LAUGH ABOUT HOW WE USED TO LOOK AT ART FROM NEW YORK AND NOW WE'RE BUYING CHICLETS AND LINE DRAWINGS FROM NATE LOWMAN FOR A DOLLAR (WHICH REALLY JUST COVERS HIS COST FOR MATERIALS YEAH?)

SERIOUSLY


I KNOW THE ECONOMY SUCKS
BELIEVE ME, I'M COMING HOME TO IT. THE COOL THING IS I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LOSING MY JOB BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN HAVE ONE. WAS RECEIVING THIS GRANT A BLESSING OR A CURSE? I DONT KNOW
MAYBE I'LL MOVE TO UTAH AND GET TWO WIVES WHO CAN WORK TO SUPPORT MY ART PROBLEM

HEY AS A FINAL BIT OF POSITIVE AWESOME I MADE IT TO LONDON (AKA BEAUTIFUL INDIAN GIRLS WITH SWEET ACCENTS BUFFET)
DREAM COME TRUE



CIVILIZATION



PEOPLE WITH PIGMENT (NOT A LOT, BUT STILL)



PIZZA BY THE SLICE



DARK BEER



CONTEMPORARY ART



DOGS WITH GOOD ENGLISH MANNERS THAT DONT NEED LEASHES



THE NATIONAL MUSEUM



THE NATIONAL PORTRAIT GALLERY



CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS



PAUL GRAHAM, TARYN SIMON, AND TOD PAPAGEORGE FOR THE DEUSCHE BORSE PRIZE SHOW AT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS GALLERY









TATE MODERN (WHERE YOU CANT TAKE PICTURES)



BUT YOU CAN LOOK AT INCREDIBLE CY TWOMBLYS IN PERSON AND SEE AN EXHIBITION ABOUT VIENESSE ACTIONISTS



THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO THROW UP AFTER YOU JUST ATE



TOO MUCH FOOD AND TOO MUCH BEER



THE SAATCHI GALLERY (NICEST MOST MASTERFULLY LIT AND ORGANIZED SPACE OF ALL TIME)



IT BLEW ME UP AND BLEW ME AWAY I CANT HANDLE IT ALL



SMILING FACES AND GERHARD RICHTER SHOWS



SUNLIGHT?



WHOA



A LITTLE?



YEP, PLENTY



ONE-JACKET WEATHER



MORE ART



MORE



AND MORE



OF VARIOUS QUALITIES AND STYLES, MOSTLY RANGING FROM GOOD TO GREAT



EXCEPT THIS LAST ONE RIGHT THERE.
WAY TO KILL MY ART-BONER SAATCHI GALLERY.
IF I NEVER SEE ANOTHER SELF-PORTRAIT-ART-PHOTOGRAPH FROM AN ANXIOUS MASTERS DEGREE STUDENT WHERE SHES "ADDRESSING HER FEMININITY" OR "THE MALE GAZE" OR "HER INABILITY TO MAKE SOMETHING GOOD" BY WEARING A TIGHT DRESS AND STANDING LIKE A SOUTH MARKET STREETWALKER WITH ANTLERS ON THEN I'LL DIE A TOTALLY HAPPY MAN. REALLY HAPPY. EXTREMELY HAPPY.
UNTIL THEN I'M GONNA KEEP LIVING




HEY LOOK IT'S MY DAD (BILL W, THOMAS WILLIAM, WE SHARE THE SAME MIDDLE NAME, NOW YOU KNOW HOW REGAL I AM)




MY DAD!



WHATS UP DAD



THANKS



THANKS FOR BEING COOL



AND SAYING RANDOM STUFF AND MAKING ME STOP FOR PICTURES EVERY 10 MINUTES BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I KEPT NOT WANTING TO STAND IN FRONT OF VARIOUS MONUMENTS AND GARDENS AND PALACES EVERY 10 MINUTES I THINK ILL BE REALLY GLAD I DID IN 40 YEARS SO I CAN SHOW THE LADY WHO WIPES THE SHIT OFF MY BUTT AT THE OLD PEOPLES HOME THAT I USED TO TRAVEL AND WAS A LOT COOLER BEFORE I WORE DIAPERS AND HAD GIN FOR BREAKFAST



AND THANKS FOR THE DELICIOUS DINNERS



AND ALL THE BEER YOU BOUGHT ME




I CANT BELIEVE YOU MADE ME



SOMETIMES OTHER PEOPLE CANT BELIEVE IT EITHER



AN OLD FILIPINO WOMAN IN A LONDON CANDY STORE KNEW SOMEHOW THOUGH AND POINTED OUT MY GHETTO TEARDROP LIKE I HADNT EVER NOTICED IT BEFORE



WHOA HOW'D THAT GHETTO TEARDROP GET THERE? THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT



OH THAT'S RIGHT I KILLED SOMEONE
OR A FRIEND OF MINE GOT CAPPED
NO
I WAS BORN WITH IT
I WAS BORN WITH DEAD FRIENDS


BUT I GOT REALLY COOL PARENTS

SHOUT OUT TO MY PARENTS IF THEYRE READING THIS WHICH I HOPE THEYRE NOT


PEACE HOMIES
SEE YOU ALL SOON PROBABLY


YOU CANT HIDE FROM ME FOREVER

DO YOU ALL STILL HAVE JOBS?
ARE YOU ALL DOING ALRIGHT?
ARE YOU ALL DEAD?






YOUR FRIEND,
HUNGOVER AT HEATHROW


(Sent from my iPhone)